The Incomplete Man

 This is a re-post of a page I previously published. Revealing and honest, I hope this post will resonate in many ways with many others. Enjoy.


“Half of the time, half of the men in America, are missing their other half.”

Half_Hearted - Copy


Sadly, I suspect the percentages are actually much higher, for both men and women. Although the underlying causes are many and varied, still the facts and the consequences remain.

A man cannot truly be a man if he is incomplete.

And the world is made a lesser place because of it.


 Now more than ever, “Traditional Marriage” in America is literally under attack and becoming increasingly difficult to find and maintain, especially as a Christian. And now more than ever, I believe a return to Traditional Marriage is what is needed most. A major part of the focus of this article is to remind us all; that “no man is an island”. Man was never meant to be alone, and being alone doesn’t necessarily equate to being unmarried or unattached.

Sometimes, being married to someone you cannot truly love is the greatest loneliness of all. Worse still, is someone who cannot love you in return.

Obviously, there are far too many loveless and failed marriages in America, and far too many causes for each. The divorce rate is only one clear indication that “Holy Matrimony” and “Until death do we part“, has been disproportionately replaced by; “Sign here and proceed to the next window, your divorce will be final in 30 days. Please pay at the counter as you leave“.

The “Divine Institution” has indeed become, “institutionalized”. So many scientific studies have been done on the subject and it’s effects, that I will not bother to cite them here. A simple Google search will provide ample references if you require them.


In many ways, marriage in America has become something more akin to a contractual trap than it is a sacred act of love and devotion. Almost as if it is designed or expected to fail from the beginning. The legal system is tilted far more to supporting and perpetuating unrestrained divorce than it is to promoting a healthy, successful marriage. “Prenuptial Agreements” and “Legal Contracts” are now often routinely attached to Holy Matrimony.

And failure looms ever large like the Sword of Damocles.

Sword of Damocles

 Now, after decades of the abandonment and abuse of traditional marriage, the inevitable consequences have been broad sweeping, utterly devastating, and permanent. Virtually no sector of American society has been left undamaged or untouched by the breakdown of the traditional marriage family structure.


As is too often the case in a world gone awry, it is the most innocent of all who pay the highest price; the children. And it is through them, the cycle of destruction continues, intensifies, and grows.


Much later in my life, after great cost to both myself and many others, I would eventually come to understand that in large part it was the “missing half” of me that made all of my efforts futile at best. And thereby I had unwittingly defeated my own purpose from the start. But even as a young man, I knew my “other half” was missing. Even if I didn’t understand it or have a name for it, I could feel the emptiness, and I knew it was what I needed most. And like many inexperienced young men before me, I recklessly tried to fill that void;

With “her“.

Looking back at it now, I am not afraid to say that as a young man, I was much like a lamb to the slaughter. In my youthful naivety, I failed to realize the great dangers involved, nor the costs. Sometimes it’s not the wolves that get you, but instead your own inability to recognize one when you see it coming.

Irony and shame are not wasted on me.

Alone Pencil Framed-2 - Copy


Ultimately, I raised two children from my first marriage alone. (without any Govt. aid I might add) To this day, both love and hate me at the same time. I have Grandchildren now. I, and my children, are living proof that an incomplete man can never truly accomplish anything in a full and complete way. Least of all something as crucial and important as parenting and nurturing a family. Half a man, doing half a job, for half of a family; and failing miserably. The results were almost as inevitable as they were tragic.

Experience always comes at a price, unfortunately, the price is often very high, and those who should never be required to pay; pay the highest price of all.

After many long years, and many failed attempts to find my “other half”, as well as the damage that is always associated with such a long and futile search, I had finally literally given up. I had completely abandoned all hope that I would ever find that which I had sought and needed my entire life.

That which all men need….To be complete.


For me, this was a very bitter pill to swallow. An ending of what had somehow turned into a very long and costly war of sorts; and I was war-weary. I felt as if I was giving up, or more accurately; surrendering to defeat.

Giving up on one’s own greatest hopes in life, is a form of death. Especially when defeat means losing one’s own reasons for living. In many ways; “Love is a Battlefield”. And the casualty rate is very high.


After such a crushing blow, I had little or no choice left. I was forced to mentally flip the switch off, shift my focus to my career, and resign myself to being alone rather than face the misery of another dangerous entanglement with a parade of women whom I already knew, were likely nothing more than a disappointing repeat of what I had already experienced many times before. Or worse.

 A vicious, destructive, and repeating cycle that occurs all over America; Every day.


Let me be clear here. I believe many American women find themselves in the exact same position, only in the reverse. And for many of the same reasons.


But I am a man, and I will speak from a man’s perspective. That does not mean that I am an uninformed fool, nor that I am too bitter and biased to form fair opinions. Least of all does it mean that I am in any way “afraid” to speak freely as an American man. Even in a country gone awry; True Freedom stands alone and cannot be altered nor taken away by any who may attempt to do so; a mans mind and soul cannot be imprisoned. Except of course by those who choose to place mental chains upon themselves. I do not intentionally seek to offend others by expressing my own views, but I shed my “chains” long ago and I’ll not hesitate to speak truthfully, and my words may often sting. My opinions are my own, and my experience is very hard-won. I am confident in my statements, and I will make no apologies.

No matter what the situation may be, the truth is the truth no matter who speaks it or where it is spoken. It stands alone and supports itself. It does not require “interpretation” and is not altered by “perceptions” nor devious lies.

“The truth speaks for itself”…

And it is often brutal.

I fear far too many Americans fail to remember the horror of the consequences created when Truth and Freedom are exchanged for temporary security.

Many a fool could profit by learning from my costly mistakes, as well as the mistakes of history.

Both men and women.


My main focus here, and my main concern, is not the many normal and natural differences between men and women in America. Nor the normal and natural difficulties and complexities of finding “true love” in this life as a normal, natural human being. But rather that we as Americans, marriage minded men in particular, are suffering under these seemingly futile conditions for the same primary reason.

And there is nothing “natural” about it.


The real issue then becomes: Why is this repeating pattern of destruction so prevalent in America? And what can be done about it? I will not pretend to offer any solutions to the problems of the world, that is not my goal. But what I can do, is offer my own experiences as a glimmer of hope for the millions of others who now find themselves as I once was….

An Incomplete Man.


I got lucky, I was Blessed, I Married An Angel.

And you should too!

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2 thoughts on “The Incomplete Man

  1. Thanks for stopping by Rachel, despite myself, you’ll always be welcome here. And sorry for the delay to reply, my health has been kicking my ass. (And NO, you are NOT allowed to lecture me and say “told ya so”.)!

    I reckon we’ll always differ on almost everything, but that’s nothing new for me. I’m probably kinda like you in that sense. Stubborn. I think I’m finally just getting old enough (and tired enough) to begin accepting my own shortcomings before criticizing others. (I may be a slow learner in this subject)

    But like our mutual friend Jason so famously points out:

    “We are all ignorant, we are all found wanting, we are all bad people sometimes.”

    BTW Our last exchange either got closed or reached its limit, I couldn’t reply but I probably would have 😉

    Thanks for taking the time to read and respond, sincerely.

    Like

  2. people today don’t take marriage seriously,they don’t even take the time to be sure that its the right path.I have been with my other half for 20 years,we never felt the need to get married,we live together and stay together because we want to not because we ought to,then again we don’t have children either never wanted them,and I never felt the need to have them.xx Rachel (your friendly pagan) 🙂

    Like

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